Jobless in Spain
Spain unemployment is now at 20%, the other 80% are officially employed as siesta inspectors.



Wall Street Protest
Thousands of union members marched on Wall Street yesterday. It's not the huge bank profits that angers the unions the most, it's the fact that the bankers made that money while they were actually working!



Drill Stop
The White House has just announced that no oil drilling in new areas in the U.S. will go forward until there's a full review of the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. This is in addition to last year's White House announcement that no profits will be made by anybody until the Democrats get re-elected in November.



Shakira Speaks Out
Singer Shakira has joined the growing chorus of opposition to Arizona's new immigration law. In response, Arizona is now offering immediate citizenship to all illegal aliens who look like Shakira.



Crist Bolts
Florida Governor Charlie Crist has announced that he is leaving the Republican Party. He will now be running for the Senate as a member of the new Tanning Bed/Melanoma Party.





April 30th

313: Roman emperor Licinius unifies the entire Eastern Empire under his rule. He goes on to challenge the West coast rappers and assassinate Tupac Shakur.


1789: On the balcony of Federal Hall on Wall Street in New York City, George Washington takes the oath of office to become the first elected President of the United States... and the last president who wasn't a lying sack of crap.


1803: The United States purchases the Louisiana Territory from France for $15 million. It takes 15 years just to get rid of the smell.


1945: Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun commit suicide after being married for one day. This remains the most successful marriage in European political history.