Toyota Fix
Toyota has announced a quick fix for the gas pedal defect that affects 4.2 million cars. It will be available to the dealers as soon as all the Toyota executives commit ritual suicide.



Huge Budget
President Obama is about to unveil the biggest budget in U.S. history. To pay for it, the president plans to boost taxes, kill the space program, and do some photo shoots he won't exactly be proud of.




Missile Failure
A U.S. missile defense test failed Sunday when a long-range missile missed its target because of radar problems... and because the missile techs were too busy trying to get their Toyota's fixed at the dealership.



Haitian Food Aid
The U.N. is starting a special food voucher program for victims of the Haitian earthquake. Food will be distributed first to women, children, and anyone who had to listen to Anderson Cooper.



Gay Super Bowl Ad
One of the commercials during the Super Bowl will be for a gay men's dating site... not surprising since the entire game features one man grasping under another man's ass on every play.





February 1st


1662: The Chinese general Koxinga seizes the island of Taiwan in a crass attempt to corner the crappy figurine market.


1790: In New York City, the Supreme Court of the United States attempts to convene for the first time... but it's forced to break every 15 minutes so the justices can go out and feed the parking meters.


1960: Four black students in demand of racial equality stage the first of the Greensboro sit-ins at a lunch counter in Greensboro, North Carolina. The first sit-in staged by Jewish students on the same day in demand of a decent Pastrami on Rye south of Brooklyn is largely ignored.


THANKS!!! Year over year, the number of hits on this site for January was UP a whopping 90.2%!!!!