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Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Book Review: “Treat Me Like Dirt: An Oral History of Punk in Toronto and Beyond, 1977-88”, by Liz Worth
Images are alphabetical, and from the Internet
Text previously published at jerseybeat.com
Treat Me Like Dirt: An Oral History of Punk in Toronto and Beyond, 1977-88
By Liz Worth; Edited by Gary Pig Gold
Bongo Beat Books (Montreal), 2009
383 pages
ISBN: 978-0-9813694-0-2
www.bongobeat.com
This will be, what, the third punk oral history I have read? And like Please Kill Me (N.Y.) and We Got the Neutron Bomb (L.A.), it is also named after a song (from the chorus of Simply Saucer’s “Bullet Proof Nothing”). And, also like the other two, this one is excellent.
Treat Me Like Dirt is extensively detailed by those who lived through the scene, either directly day-to-day, or sometimes in spurts, such as Dead Boys’ Cheetah Chrome or Lydia Lunch. Told generally chronologically, jumping sections broken up from band to band and back, the handy reference of people - listed alphabetically - explains who they are and their association to the scene, in a very handy reference right up front. I’m happy to say I personally know a few, some of whom I call friend.
Liz, who was born the year after the period this book technically ends, has done an above-and-beyond, exemplary job taking a complex multi-character / band situation and made it possible to follow the story of each of the bands covered, in almost a narration. Sure, I had to go back and forth to remember who some of the huge cast was, but as the book progressed, that needed to happen less and less, as the people became so familiar. This is especially important for those who are not very familiar with the inhabitants who were involved with the scene.
As with any scene, there are the “big boys” and the “second tier” bands (my quotes); for example, in New York, every history seems to be about the Patti, the Ramones, the Dictators, the Heartbreakers, Television, and Blondie, but there were many other groups just bubbling under, such as the Mumps, the Marbles, and tons of others who were also important, but still never went anywhere. This is also true of the Toronto / Hamilton scene, where the first level is discussed, such as (in no particular order) Teenage Head, the Viletones, Simply Saucer, Forgotten Rebels, the B-Girls, the Ugly, the Demics, plus others, and she also delves into the secondary level with the Secrets, the Curse, the Androids, and the Poles (though I’m surprised there isn’t more about Johnny and the G-Rays), etc.. There are a number of tertiary bands that get mentioned, but not really covered, such as the Loved Ones (editor Gary Pig Gold’s band), the Eels, the Shakers (who were on the pop side), and some great band names like Crash Kills Five, Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet, and my favorite name listed in the book, Dick Duck and the Dorks (perhaps some of these were later than the 1981 cut-off, I’m not sure).
The presence of Liz’s voice in the book is among (or, for the Canadian readers, amongst) the least, with but page-long preface about her undertaking to write and publish this tome, and another page of acknowledgements / thank yous that is mostly the names of those quoted.
As Bruce Mowat (whom I had sort of expected, and I say this bemusedly, would write his own history of at least the Hamilton phase, as he did for FFanzeen many years ago) rightfully says in his review of this book at his gmole.blogspot.com, “A couple of pages of historical context from the author, a discography and a time line might have helped.” [As I’m wont to digress, please permit me to do so here: on a dark and gloomy day in 2006, Bruce led me on a tour of Hamilton, and many of the places he took me are mentioned here, such as the Lanois Brothers’ house in Ancaster, the spot on Hillview Street where the Teenage Head first played, the place in the Jackson Square Mall where Simply Saucer had their noted performance, and he even brought me to meet Simply Saucer’s Edgar Breau at Edgar’s house.] This is the only close-to quibble I have about the book, as well.
You may ask, “Why Toronto of all places?” Well, if you don’t know (in which case you really need to get this book), Toronto (in this review, when I say Toronto, I’m including Hamilton because even though they are separate cities, they have overlapping and cross-pollinating scenes) is arguably one of the four concurrent places where punk really started on its own at the same time, including New York, Boston, and London (UK)., even while New York was considered the “leader” thanks to the early signing of bands).
One aspect interests me is that while comparing the New York and Toronto scenes, as presented in this book, they pretty much followed a similar path, where it started insular with a few bands, and then it exploded with crowds from the surrounding areas (and the increasing gentrification of those slum areas since); likewise, the early bands came from nowhere and most of them burned out pretty fast, be it from infighting, lack of label attention, or substance abuse (as is chronicled in Treat, there was lots of booze, and eventually heroin). As Ralph Alfonso wisely points out in the book, at the time, “you’re dealing with bands and a genre of music which is completely based and derived from, and owes all of its existence to, music by bands who had failed. So when you’re talking about the MC5, Stooges, Flamin’ Groovies, Dictators, Velvet Underground even, these are all bands that, in their time, were commercial failures. None of them sold records and they all got dropped. But they were so influential that they were responsible for punk. So, ergo, the cycle will repeat itself” [p. 344]. In other words, in most scenes there is the initial bands that come out that are mostly ignored by their contemporaries and they pass quickly, but are still the artistic foundation of the bigger bands to follow. Some groups do survive on some level (e.g., Teenage Head have more than a dozen albums), but many more schism.
A theme that runs throughout the book is that at some point, after the first year covered (1977), there is sure to be someone who says, “This is the moment that punk rock ended in Toronto.” That sentiment comes up often by numerous people, nearly from the beginning. I certainly remember that happening in New York, as well. “Oh, the Ramones signed to Sire; the scene is dead!” “Blondie has a disco song that’s a hit; the scene is dead!” Here it’s the end of the Crash ‘n Burn club, the signing of bands, a riot at a public concert, the entrance of a gang of bullies, the introduction of rockabilly (to North America what reggae was to the U.K.), what-have-you. Another theme is that it seems that no band was happy with their first album for whatever reason. Yet these records today are considered classics.
Also, as with most scenes in the four cities, in the Toronto area there was a division between the art students and the, well, not. Here in New York, it was the experimental Talking Heads and Theoretical Girls types vs. the Ramones and Dead Boys anti-intellectuals. In Toronto, it was the arty and experimental Diodes and the Dishes, vs. the Viletones and the Ugly. Similarly, even though they both resented each other and there was strong jealousy, they often shared bills and, on some level, supported one another because they needed each other.
One of the outstanding elements of Treat is that the quotes are thorough enough that the personalities definitely shine through. You can feel the excitement of when the members talk about their bands starting up and the early scene, and the tiredness of when they are held back by circumstances (e.g., label indifference, car accidents, squabbling). But there are more subtle nuances that one can “read,” such as how in-the-moment some were, such as Mickey DeSadist and Freddy Pompeii, and how self-promoting and pretentious are others, so in love with their image, such as Steve Leckie (Nazi Dog, of the Viletones) and Michaele Jordana (of the Poles). Leckie has jumped image a number of times, from Bowie-clone to punk to rockabilly, and even though he pushes the envelope in each phase, it’s more calculation and self-promotion than living in the moment and being. This is evident in some of the earlier pictures, where he consistently refuses to look at the camera during group shots; he’s too cool, I guess. I believe, in the context of this book, he comes across as the person most widely disliked for his manipulation of people. That being said, I cannot underscore enough how much of a seminal work their first EP was, especially “Screaming Fist,” which may be the first hardcore punk record on this continent. With Jordana, well, it’s just pretention and self-glorification all the way: “We created the look and the sound and the language of new wave, which survived…I am an artist. I’m not really meant to be totally commercial. I’m more of a seer.” If you watch the very last video below, you can see the artiste overshadow the artist.
What turned me on to oral histories, and what keeps me enticed, is certainly present in Treat Me Like Dirt, and that is since it is first-person histories, there are contradictions of stories from person to person. This goes from the mundane, such as who started a food fight with stale buns (and how it began), to the question of how the Ugly’s singer, Mike Nightmare died (everything from heart attack to being shot by the police).
In case I haven’t been clear, this is a thorough and excellent must read that will keep the reader involved. It is also well-edited by scene chronicler (and also one of my favorite music writers, as well as a damn fine musician) Gary Pig Gold (www.garypiggold.com), who ran the Pig Paper fanzine (past issues can be found here: www.archive.org/search.php?query=%22Pig%20Paper%22). Lastly, and it really does deserve mention, the book layout and design by ex-Diodes manager / Crash N Burn doorman / musician and poet / Bongo Beat publisher Ralph Alfonso, is a beaut. With two columns of text per page at (if I’m not correct, Ralph, let me know) 10 pt. Ariel Condensed type, there is a lot to read without having to trail all the way across the page, making this book an ergonomic ease on the eyes. Plus, there’s tons of pictures (quite a few by Ralph, himself).
Reading this made me think of two things specifically: one is that I would love to hear a clear CD collection of this music (below there is a smattering of some of the bands), and I wish there was some indication of what some of these people are doing now. Perhaps on a Web-site? On the other hand, I was impressed by how many of the people interviewed here mentioned Marshall McLuhan (who taught at the University of Toronto).
Now I’d like to see an oral history on some of the other important punk sites, such as Boston, Vancouver, Ohio (Akron/Cleveland),
P.S., Get well soon, Imants Krumins.
Reply from publisher Ralph Alfonso to this review:
Hahaha. The font is not Arial, and the type size is 8pt. A lot of work went into the layout and trying to make it all fit in 384 pages (that's a standard book size - price goes up after that). Discographies & etc. would have ballooned the book up to 500 pages or more. The way the story line worked out, there was no real room for everyone; that can all be the subject for a follow-up, I guess. Once people actually read the book (and not count their pictures or index instances), it makes a lot of sense as a unified storyline that moves chronologically in the continuous present. We did try to insert some mentions of tertiary bands but it just didn't work and looked like it was inserted for no real reason, since they had no relationships with the main players. The public agrees - we're about to go into a third printing! Crazy! I had no idea this would happen.
- Ralph
News Report ’77
Simply Saucer:
Viletones:
Diodes:
“Tired of Waking Up Tired”:
Demics:
“New York City”:
Teenage Head:
Forgotten Rebels:
“Bomb the Boats”:
The Curse:
“Shoeshine Boy”:
B-Girls (v.2):
Later perspective:
[This whole series is worth watching, starting at: www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvxI-xOAH_M&feature=related]
I Go Hunting! - Ichi
http://slurl.com/secondlife/PARADISIS%20Creations/51/40/28
Skin from Fricka Hunt & Hair from TA@KDC mall
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Easter Egg Hunt from: Just for you, Blood Rose Gothic/BDSM, VF Design, Luscious & Lords, Moon Magic, Drake`s Design, Eternity Brides and Seldom Blue Main Stores, Lustovia, and Pictures By Rodger. This hunt ends on the 7th of April.
http://seldomblue.blogspot.com/
Finish the maze at the end to receive some of the bonus items pictured. Only 10 stops to complete this hunt! Fnordian Easter Egg prize not pictured; must rez & touch to enjoy. ^_^
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{Frick} Easter Egg Hunt 8 @ $1 each
Hiya everyone! I'm right under the wire with this one, but I'm having a little dollarbie Easter Egg Hunt in my store until April 10th! There are 8 eggs scattered around the store for L$ 1 each. You can find 7 different skins & a mini dress covered in bunnies. These skins are a sneak peek at the new lips I'll be using whenever I get around to making new stuff again. I've included a reference picture so you know which egg has what in it. Enjoy!
-Fricka
Hairs used throughout:
L$1 for "TA hair KDC Limited gift02(R). @Time of angel Hair
http://slurl.com/secondlife/KDC/208/13/22, http://time-of-angel.blogspot.com/
AfterSki - Christmas goes on till Easter
But the main AfterSki photo this Thursday is the leftover lights from Christmas in the trees. Unlighted but ready for next season.
More Easter challenge you can find when Petunia invites to AfterSki
Arkona (Rus)
Género/Genre: Pagan/Folk Metal
País/Country: Russia
Tema Lírico/Lyrical Theme: Paganism, Slavic Old-Belief, Mythology
Official Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/arkonarussia
Arkona (Rus) - Goi, Rode, Goi! (2009)
1. | Goi, Rode, Goi! | 06:15 |
2. | Yarilo | 02:30 |
3. | Nevidal (The Wonder) | 04:40 |
4. | Na Moey Zemle (In My Land) | 15:09 |
5. | Pritcha (The Parable) | 00:55 |
6. | V Tsepiakh Drevney Tainy (In Chains Of Ancient Mystery) | 06:24 |
7. | Tropoiu Nevedannoi (On The Unknown Trail) | 06:24 |
8. | Liki Bessmertnykh Bogov (Faces Of Immortal Gods) | 05:18 |
9. | Kolo Navi (Kolo Of Nav) | 04:17 |
10. | Korochun | 02:12 |
11. | Pamiat (The Memory) | 05:46 |
12. | Kupalets | 02:52 |
13. | Arkona | 06:37 |
14. | Nebo Hmuroe, Tuchi Mrachniye (Sullen Sky Lurid Clouds) | 10:27 |
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Arkona (Rus) - Ot Serdtsa K Nebu (2007)
1. "Pokrovy Nebesnogo Startsa"
2. "Goy, Kupala!!!" (Hey, Kupala)
3. "Ot Serdtsa K Nebu" (From the Heart to the Skies)
4. "Oy, Pechal-Toska"
5. "Gutsulka"
6. "Strela" (Arrow)
7. "Nad Propastyu Let" (Over the Abyss of Ages)
8. "Slavsya Rus" (Hail Rus)
9. "Kupala I Kostroma" (Kupala and Kostroma)
10. "Tsigular"
11. "Sva"
12. "Katitsya Kolo"
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Arkona (Rus) - Vo Slavu Velikim ! (2005)
1. | Intro (Kolymiyka) | 01:31 |
2. | Skvoz' Tuman Vekov | 05:11 |
3. | Rus' Iznachal'naya | 05:42 |
4. | Vo Slavu Velikim ! | 05:36 |
5. | Po Syroi Zemle | 07:34 |
6. | Tuman Yarom | 02:51 |
7. | Zov Bitvy | 04:07 |
8. | Vedy Proshlogo | 05:21 |
9. | Velikden' | 00:56 |
10. | Gnev Vremen | 05:10 |
11. | Na Svarogovoi Doroge | 05:06 |
12. | Vyidi, Vyidi Ivanku ... | 01:12 |
13. | Vosstanie Roda | 05:27 |
14. | Sila Slavnyh | 05:32 |
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Arkona (Rus) - Lepta (2004)
1. | Sotkany Veka | 04:13 |
2. | Lepta o Gneve | 05:25 |
3. | Chernye Debri Voiny | 04:27 |
4. | Zarnicy Nashei Svobody | 05:40 |
5. | Vyidu ya na Volushky | 03:37 |
6. | Voin Pravdy | 05:48 |
7. | Marena | 07:23 |
8. | Epilog | 01:51 |
9. | Oi, to ne Vecher... | 03:12 |
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Arkona (Rus) - Vozrozhdenie (2004)
1. | Kolyada | 06:55 |
2. | Maslenitsa | 02:51 |
3. | K Domu Svaroga | 05:21 |
4. | Chernye Vorony | 04:16 |
5. | Vozrozhdenie | 06:05 |
6. | Rus | 06:34 |
7. | Brate Slavyane | 04:53 |
8. | Solntsevorot | 03:36 |
9. | Pod Mechami... | 05:12 |
10. | Po Zverinym Tropam... | 03:37 |
11. | Zalozhnyy | 04:16 |
12. | Zov Predkov | 05:01 |
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Society for Contemporary Craft Fiberart International 2010
Society for Contemporary Craft is happy to present Fiberart International 2010 in our main galleries April 16 through August 22, 2010. The opening reception will take place on Friday, April 16 from 5:30 to 8 pm. Awards will be announced during the reception and a Fiberart Forum will take place on Saturday April 17th and will feature a talk by juror Rebecca A.T. Stevens as well as dialogue with the artists at both gallery location and a free shuttle for visitors.
In conjunction with Fiberart International 2010, SCC presents two back-to-back exhibitions of Pittsburgh-based fiber artists at our Satellite Gallery located at One Mellon Center in downtown Pittsburgh in the T Station lobby. swarm, an installation of works created by Anna Divinsky features colorful two- and three-dimensional forms inspired by groups of insects, birds, cells, and growths on display from March 27 through June 20, 2010. Immediately following this exhibition and in celebration of the Associated Artists of Pittsburgh's 100th year, SCC will present My Walden: New Works by Atticus Adams from June 25 through September 26, 2010 and will highlight the artist's unique mesh fiber sculptures. SCC's Satellite gallery is open daily through midnight.
During the spring and summer months educational programs, lectures and workshops are planned to enhance our viewers understanding of the techniques and materials presented in the exhibition. Companion catalogues, including essays, biographical information and photo-documentation, accompany the exhibition and are available for purchase for $30.
We are pleased to attach a series of releases on Fiberart International 2010 with accompanying Related Activities, swarm and My Walden: New Works by Atticus Adams. Images of works by Fiberart International artists, Anna Divinsky and Atticus Adams are available upon request.
...
The Pittsburgh Art Blog
pittsburgh galleries is reborn anew as The Pittsburgh Art Blog. the blog features selected pittsburgh artists and upcoming exhibits with photos from the artists and galleries. since the major press outlets do not go beyond a directory listing of exhibits, blogs are needed to promote pittsburgh artists and their work. the blog also calls attention to the inferiority complex of pittsburgh art and how it's perpetuated by the major players in town. Started on August 20, 2007.
pittsburgh area galleries and art venues are listed at the sister site www.PghGalleries.com.
the blog and website are volunteer projects from fine art photographer and pittsburgh art advocate rick byerly, www.RickByerly.com.
ModernFormations Gallery Spring Salon April 2 2010
MODERNFORMATIONS GALLERY PRESENTS....
THE SPRING SALON: 6TH ANNUAL JURIED EXHIBITION
Opening April 2, 7 to 10pm
Artists and non-artists from the Western Pennsylvania area are being juried…by you!
Past winners include Ben and Andy Kehoe, Meg Graham, Jairan Sedeghi, Kat Cole, and Jesse Best!
Please join us in the celebration! Come for never seen before local art and artists, food, drinks, and fun.
Come to vote!
You will determine who wins their very own solo exhibition at the gallery in December 2010
You will help discover new talent!
Electric Owl Studios will also be displaying a KICK kiosk — Kid’s Interactive Creation Kiosk - as part of the GA/GI fest!
4919 Penn Avenue, Pittsburgh PA. 15224
412-362-0274
www.modernformations.com
Gallery hours: Thursday 7-9pm, Saturday 1-4pm, by appointment
...
The Pittsburgh Art Blog
pittsburgh galleries is reborn anew as The Pittsburgh Art Blog. the blog features selected pittsburgh artists and upcoming exhibits with photos from the artists and galleries. since the major press outlets do not go beyond a directory listing of exhibits, blogs are needed to promote pittsburgh artists and their work. the blog also calls attention to the inferiority complex of pittsburgh art and how it's perpetuated by the major players in town. Started on August 20, 2007.
pittsburgh area galleries and art venues are listed at the sister site www.PghGalleries.com.
the blog and website are volunteer projects from fine art photographer and pittsburgh art advocate rick byerly, www.RickByerly.com.
ABC Wednesday--K is for...
Sodom
Género/Genre: Black/Speed/Thrash Metal
País/Country: Germany
Tema Lírico/Lyrical Theme: Satan (Old), War, Battle, Loss (Later)
Official Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/sodom
Sodom - The Final Sign Of Evil (2007)
1.The Sin Of Sodom 05:41
2.Blasphemer 03:20
3.Bloody Corpse 03:56
4.Witching Metal 03:38
5.Sons Of Hell 04:22
6.Burst Command 'Til War 02:29
7.Where Angels Die 04:47
8.Sepulchral Voice 04:36
9.Hatred Of The Gods 03:14
10.Ashes To Ashes 04:22
11.Outbreak Of Evil 05:26
12.Defloration 03:52
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Sodom - Sodom (2006)
1.Blood on Your Lips 04:43
2.Wanted Dead 03:57
3.Buried in the Justice Ground 03:09
4.City of God 04:36
5.Bibles and Guns 03:31
6.Axis of Evil 04:35
7.Lords of Depravity 02:48
8.No Captures 04:47
9.Lay Down the Law 03:56
10.Nothing to Regret 02:53
11.The Enemy Inside 04:06
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Sodom - M-16 (2001)
1.Among the Weirdcong 05:08
2.I Am the War 04:07
3.Napalm in the Morning 05:57
4.Minejumper 03:11
5.Genocide 04:49
6.Little Boy 04:09
7.M-16 04:49
8.Lead Injection 06:24
9.Cannon Fodder 03:54
10.Marines 03:55
11.Surfin' Bird (The Trashmen cover) 02:39
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Sodom - Code Red (1999)
1.Intro 00:48
2.Code Red 03:55
3.What Hell Can Create 03:32
4.Tombstone 03:55
5.Liquidation 02:45
6.Spiritual Demise 02:51
7.Warlike Conspiracy 02:50
8.Cowardice 04:17
9.The Vice of Killing 04:22
10.Visual Buggery 03:13
11.Book Burning 02:34
12.The Wolf & The Lamb 03:19
13.Addicted to Abstinence 02:06
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Sodom - 'Til Death Do Us Unite (1997)
1.Frozen Screams 02:56
2.Fuck the Police 03:26
3.Gisela 02:39
4.That's What an Unknown Killer Diarized 04:42
5.Hanging Judge 02:47
6.No Way Out 02:47
7.Polytoximaniac 02:27
8.'Til Death Do Us Unite 05:12
9.Hazy Shade of Winter 01:59
10.Suicidal Justice 02:48
11.Wander in the Valley 03:50
12.Sow the Seeds of Discord 02:30
13.Master of Disguise 03:03
14.Schwerter zu Pflugscharen 04:01
15.Hey, Hey, Hey Rock'n Roll Star 04:19
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Sodom - Masquerade In Blood (1995)
1.Masquerade in Blood 03:19
2.Gathering of Minds 04:16
3.Fields of Honour 03:23
4.Braindead 02:29
5.Verrecke! 02:49
6.Shadow of Damnation 02:57
7.Peacemaker's Law 03:24
8.Murder in My Eyes 02:37
9.Unwanted Youth 03:33
10.Mantelmann 02:10
11.Scum 05:24
12.Hydrophobia 03:23
13.Let's Break the Law (Anti-Nowhere League Cover) 02:56
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Sodom - Get What You Deserve (1994)
1.Get What You Deserve 03:44
2.Jabba The Hut 02:29
3.Jesus Screamer 01:42
4.Delight In Slaying 02:40
5.Die Stumme Ursel 03:47
6.Freaks Of Nature 02:07
7.Eat Me! 03:22
8.Unbury The Hatchet 02:28
9.Into Perdition 02:46
10.Sodomized 02:43
11.Fellows In Misery 02:18
12.Tribute To Moby Dick 04:21
13.Silence Is Consent 02:30
14.Erwachet! 02:17
15.Gomorrah 02:19
16.Angel Dust (Venom Cover) 02:40
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Sodom - Tapping the Vein (1992)
1.Body Parts 03:02
2.Skinned Alive 02:27
3.One Step Over the Line 05:06
4.Deadline 03:51
5.Bullet in the Head 03:01
6.The Crippler 04:09
7.Wachturm 03:46
8.Tapping the Vein 05:10
9.Back to War 03:13
10.Hunting Season 04:27
11.Reincarnation 07:49
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Sodom - Better Off Dead (1990)
1.An Eye for an Eye 04:25
2.Shellfire Defense 04:22
3.The Saw is the Law 04:12
4.Turn Your Head Around (Tank cover) 03:23
5.Capture the Flag 06:08
6.Cold Sweat (Thin Lizzy cover) 03:11
7.Bloodtrails 04:45
8.Never Healing Wound 02:26
9.Better off Dead 03:44
10.Resurrection 04:50
11.Tarred and Feathered 03:02
12.Stalinorgel 04:42
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Sodom - Agent Orange (1989)
1.Agent Orange 06:04
2.Tired and Red 05:26
3.Incest 04:40
4.Remember the Fallen 04:21
5.Magic Dragon 06:00
6.Exhibition Bout 03:36
7.Ausgebombt 03:05
8.Baptism of Fire 04:04
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Sodom - Persecution Mania (1987)
1.Nuclear Winter 05:23
2.Electrocution 03:15
3.Iron Fist (Motörhead cover) 02:43
4.Persecution Mania 03:39
5.Enchanted Land 03:59
6.Procession to Golgatha 02:01
7.Christ Passion 06:11
8.Conjuration 03:42
9.Bombenhagel 05:09
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Sodom - Obsessed By Cruelty (1986)
1.Intro 01:53
2.Deathlike Silence 05:06
3.Brandish the Sceptre 02:56
4.Proselytism Real 03:31
5.Equinox 03:32
6.Volcanic Slut 03:21
7.Obsessed by Cruelty 05:47
8.Fall of Majesty Town 04:01
9.Nuctemeron 03:00
10.Pretenders to the Throne 02:39
11.Witchhammer 02:02
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New Crate and Barrel
Crate and Barrel has just opened its first store in Abu Dhabi. This is great news for all Arab women who want to register for their honor killings.
Surge for Toyota
Toyota's U.S. sales were up 40% last month... mostly thanks to trial lawyers who were buying up evidence.
Newark No Murders
The city of Newark, New Jersey just finished its first murder-free month in 44 years. The economy is so bad, even the killers are out of work.
iPad Raves
The iPad is getting across-the-board rave reviews from techies. They're gushing about the new features, graphics, and there's even a rumor that it might get some of them a date with a real girl.
Government Layoffs
A new report says the government actually laid off more workers than the private sector last month. The only trouble is, no one can tell the difference between a laid off government worker and one that's supposedly still on the job.
Dimon vs. Obama
JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon is complaining that President Obama is demonizing the bankers. Dimon is so mad, that he's planning on not including a lollipop the next time he sends Obama a $500,000 campaign donation.
April 1st
1949: The Canadian government stops interning Japanese-Canadians because of civil rights concerns and after learning that some Japanese make decent speed skaters.
1976: Apple Computer is formed by Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak. 1,500 geeks immediatley line up around the corner from their house in hopes of being the first to buy something.
2002: The Netherlands legalizes euthanasia, in a tacit admission that nothing is worse than having to live in the Netherlands.